Hello Dear Readers and Happy New Year,
I hope that you all had a restful and joyous time during the festive season. Everyone is hyped up on their goal setting and new year resolutions making and as I wrote in a previous blogpost, I am going to take a different approach this year, I am in a reflective mode and want to drop off some baggage and sail through 2018 much lighter. So, I want to share a few of the things that I will leave behind in 2017 (yes bye Felicia!).
I have nothing against goal setting and new year resolutions, I’m just switching it up this year. I encourage you all to do the same in additions to goal setting.
So here it goes:
# 1 Toxic Relationships
I am leaving behind toxic relationships; for me this is actually twofold. First is I’m saying goodbye to all relationships in my life that are literally toxic i.e. relationships that are emotionally, physically and mentally damaging. I just don’t have any room for that anymore in my life. I was very conflicted about making such a bold choice due to my Christian faith.
Matthew 22: 36 – 40Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Here we see that Jesus instructs us that loving our neighbours as we love ourselves is one of the greatest commandments. My inability to cut off toxic relationships literally stems from these verses. I always think to myself is cutting this relationship out of my life the loving thing to do? Am I doing the right thing? Honestly, I contemplated a lot on this point and it is not until last month after reviewing the relationships in my life that I realized that something had to give. It may seem selfish and like I am disobeying what Christ said however I have decided to go ahead and do it. I will let go of toxic relationships. I plan to do this by simply creating a respectful distance. I will always be there for the people in my life whether they have hurt/offended me or have been a blessing. This will be my way of loving them. Being there for them and keeping them in my prayers.
The second part to this decision stems from something I recently learnt. When you forgive someone, who has wronged you or hurt you, you don’t have to rebuild a relationship. Now this is not a license to allow resentment, bitterness and unforgiveness to grow inside of you. NO! Forgive, forgive, forgive and if possible forget.
# 2 Setting Deadlines for Uncontrollable Events in My Life
This had to be one of the biggest life lessons of 2017. Setting deadlines for certain goals and uncontrollable events in my life has proven to be such a futile and fruitless activity.
“I want to move out by age 23.
I want to own 5 acres of prime real estate by age 30
I want to get married at age 23.
I want to have 4 children by age 30.
I want to travel to 14 countries before I turn 40.
I want to finish formal schooling by age 30 (Undergraduate, Masters and PhD) etc.”
The list goes on and on and on. I know that this point is a up for debate because according to some people, we are in complete control of our lives regardless of the circumstances that we find ourselves in. To them the made-up list above is totally achievable and in fact they may be even half way or three-quarter way down the list. Then there are others who play victim, life is always to blame for their circumstances and unhappiness. The third category of people are those who just keep it moving regardless of what comes their way good or bad, they never seem to miss a beat…. Do they always achieve what they set out to do? No not always sometimes never but they always keep it moving. Then the last category of people are those who just don’t care. They are not bothered about anything- the free spirits, living life second to second… people. I know that all of humanity doesn’t fall into these set categories, it’s just what I’ve observed so far and I know that all those people have a different point of view on this but this year, I refuse to do it. I have refused to set deadlines for uncontrollable events in my life.
I can already hear the questions; well Winnie won’t that be a welcome invitation for laziness? Aren’t you promoting lazy thinking and a lazy lifestyle? To that I say no, absolutely not because you reap what you sow, if you’re lazy today, the fruits you’ll reap will be frustration and disappointment. I’m going to work hard on everything in my life, on everything I desire that is according to God’s will for my life, I’m just done putting deadlines. I tried the whole deadline thing even for something as mundane as my postgrad studies and guess what ladies and gentlemen it did not work!!!! I am still working my behind off to finish; so, I might as well work hard without the added stress, pressure and possible disappointment of not meeting a set deadline when there are things that are out of my control. But for things that are in my control, that’s a different story.
# 3 Pity Parties
I am done with pity parties and feeling sorry for myself. Don’t get me wrong I think a good cry once in a while is okay but yo, giving into frustrated and negative feelings every time they come your way is a thing I’m leaving behind in 2017. I got great advice from one of my closest friends. She said we’re human not robots, feelings and emotions will overwhelm us from time to time. The key is not to let those moments be a stumbling block or worse yet a joy/destiny stealer. So, what does she do? She gives herself an allocated time to catch all those negative feelings 10 – 15 minutes of quiet time. She sets an alarm and after she’s done, that’s a wrap she naps back out of it and keeps it moving. I am definitely going to try this method because I am tired of the pity parties, if anything aren’t parties supposed to be fun?
# 4 Missing Opportunities
Uuuuuuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii is this something that I just woke up to recently? Missed opportunities!!! I am done standing in my own way with excuses and other things such as laziness and procrastination. I AM DONE, FINISHED, FINITO! Missed opportunities rarely come back and you often ended beating yourself up and being overcome by such negative thoughts and feelings towards yourself. So, I’m not about that life anymore. I want to have more “girl I love you so much, you are so awesome and thank you for taking care of you” moments with myself than “sasa wewe ni nini mbaya na wewe? Like are you okay in the head, how could you let that go?” moments with myself.
# 5 Using Someone’s Life as a Benchmark for My Own Life
I AM STAYING IN MY LANE. Yes, you read correctly gone are the days of comparison and covetousness (which is a sin btw)! So, the next time someone asks me when I’m going to get married, having kids, moving out or when I’ll stop wearing my hair natural I’ll be like stay tuned… I think oftentimes we forget that the life we have is a precious gift from God. His breath in the inside of you is the reason why you are alive. You’re here on a mission, a mission that He’s set out for you. So that is what we should be pursuing and quite frankly His opinion is what should matter most.
So, dear readers that’s it from me this week I really do hope that you have a wonderful and absolutely fantastic 2018! And let me know if there’s anything you want to leave behind in 2017 in the comment section below.
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